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Related articles:
"The Covenant of Marriage"
"Lovely Weddings"
"Spiritual Leadership"
"Questions About Marriage"
"'Part of' Not a 'Possession Of'"
"Appropriately Appropriated"
"Divorce and Remarriage"

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"Questions About Marriage"

Rusty Miller


In an issue devoted to young people, we thought it good to take the time and space to answer a few of the most common questions young people have about marriage.

How old should I be when I marry? Abraham Lincoln was asked once how long a man's legs should be, to which he replied, "Long enough to reach the ground." It is tempting to answer this question the same way, "Old enough." The question is not so much one of age as it is maturity. There are those age 18 who are fully prepared for a life of marriage, and there are those age 35 who still are not. What is required here is honest self-evaluation, followed by honest evaluation of the potential mate. Are you honestly ready to be devoted to this person for the rest of your life (Matt. 19:4-6), no matter the hardship, no matter the struggles? Is your potential mate ready to do the same? These are not light, easy questions, but they are the only kind which will produce the answer you seek.

What about prenuptial agreements? They are great. Not the kind which allowed the immoral Donald Trump to dump his wife just before the deadline which would have ensured her receiving big money if they divorced. But if two people are not in agreement to be committed to one another for life, if they are not in agreement to share everything, if they are not in agreement to live together, no longer as two, but as one, then they have no business marrying. Those kinds of prenuptial agreements will work.

Why do we hear so much about divorce in the church? The reason such passages as Matthew 19 have been preached about so much in recent history is the growing sentiment, even among some conservative brethren, that divorce is not such a bad thing. Pop psychology ideas like "I know God wants me to be happy, so he wouldn't want me to stay in this marriage," have fostered a lackadaisical attitude toward what God actually says about divorce. In truth, God does want you to be happy, but that is why He has given us instructions on marriage and married life (see 1 Cor. 7, Eph. 5, Col. 3 and 1 Pet. 3, for example).

Aren't the instructions in Eph. 5 and other places outdated, particularly the part about women being in subjection to their husbands? It is no longer politically correct to teach what the Bible says about husbands and wives, but that does not mean the teaching is outdated. If society is used as the rule of thumb, then Paul's teaching, particularly about the sacrificing love of a husband, would have been outdated in the century in which it was written. Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, was not writing instructions for his day, for some day in the more recent past, for our day or for some day in the future. He was writing instructions for marriage, and when a husband is willing to love his wife ". . . as Christ also loved the church . . ." (Eph. 5:25), a wife will want to live in subjection to him, just as the church is in subjection to Christ. Thirty years of the feminist movement have not dimmed the beauty of God's plan, and the Christian couple who takes it upon themselves to live as God would have them will find both fulfillment and happiness.

How do I go about choosing a mate? It would be easy if God had said, in one simple chapter, "Men, here is what to look for in a wife, and women, here is what to look for in a husband." Unfortunately, there is no such chapter. However, as we have already stated, there are instructions for husbands and wives. Are you searching for a mate who can live up to those instructions? Maybe there is an even simpler, more direct question. When you choose to date someone, are you looking for someone who will be able to help you go to heaven? What a tragedy, repeated over and over, to see someone happily married in this life, only to find the person they chose has hindered their opportunity for heaven. Husbands and wives need someone who can stand beside them in the most important arena of all, in our lives as Christians. To be married and share all things, but not share that, is saddest of all.

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